"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like:

'If you live each day as if it was your last, you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

---Steve Jobs

A real good story.

Ha.

And people that I barely knew, they love me cause I'm part of you.

"The travelin', the singin'. It don't mean nothing without you. The fast cars, the guitars. They are all just second to this life, this love, that you and I have been dreaming of for so long. It would all be as good as gone without you."

---Keith Urban

"The truth is, you can divide your heart in all sorts of interesting ways---

a little here, a little there, most banked at home, some coined out for a flutter. But love cleaves through the mind's mathematics. Love's lengthways splits the heart in two---the heart where you are, the part where you want to be."

---Jeanette Winterson

True.

"There is no safe investment.

To love at all is to be vulnerable."

---C.S. Lewis

Sometimes songs exist to be someone else's theme song.

I have been searching for your touch,

unlike any touch I've ever known.

And I never thought about you much,

'til I'm broken down and all alone.

Though I don't understand the meaning of love,

I do not mind if I die trying.

Took you for granted when you lifted me up.

I'm asking for your help.

I am going through hell---

Afraid nothing can save me

but the sound of your voice;

you cut out all the noise.

And now that I can see my stakes so clearly now,

I'd kill if I could take you back,

but how?

You say, "Go,

it isn't [worth it]" and I say, "No, it isn't perfect," so I'll stay instead. I'm never gonna leave this bed.

"Waiting is painful.

Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

I will stay here with you, my love.

"And everyone is rushing around me

to be over there, and there, and everywhere, but why can't they just be here? Because you can't fix something on the inside by fixing something on the outside, and he was always just OK with letting things be the way they were. And when I was with him, I was OK too. OK with just letting everything exist the way it was supposed to, and he never felt the need to change me or fix me or anything. And I never felt the need to be changed."

I wonder 'til I'm wide awake.

Now I'm pacing back and forth,

wishing you were at my door.

I'd open up and you would say,

"Hey, it was enchanting to meet you."

And all I know is, I was enchanted to meet you.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go.

I'll spend forever, wondering if you knew that I was enchanted to meet you.

"The right thing,

at the wrong time, is still the wrong thing."

---Joshua Wright

August 10th.

"Because

things change, and friends leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody."

---The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Recommendation.

For tonight:

1. In Your Atmosphere, John Mayer.

"I'm gonna steer clear.

I'd burn up in your atmosphere.

I'm gonna steer clear,

cause I'd die if I saw you,

I'd die if I didn't see you there.

So I don't think I'll go to L.A. anymore."

2. Between the Lines, Sara Bareilles

"Too late, two choices:

to stay or to leave.

Mine was so easy to uncover;

he'd already left with the other.

So, I'll learn to listen through silence.

Leave unsaid, unspoken.

Eyes wide shut, unopened.

You and me, always between the lines."

3. Someone Like You, Adele

"Nothing compares, no worries or cares;

regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

Who would have known how

bittersweet this would taste?"

4. Breathe Again, Sara Bareilles

"Car is parked. Bags are packed.

But what kind of heart doesn't look back?

All those words came undone,

and now I'm not the only one

facing the ghosts that decide

if the fire still burns inside.

All I have. All I need is

the air I would kill to breathe.

Holds my love in his hands,

still I'm searching for something.

Out of breath, I am left hoping

someday, I'll breathe again."

"I take the car and drive the night.

The White Stripes blur and ease my mind. When all that's left is a single line, instead of this confusion. And I'm not certain of the way it was. And I'm not certain of what I could have done. Oh but I wonder if it had been enough. . . .I stop the car and close my eyes, and I can see his face but it takes a while. And it feeds me like the morning light: slow and unfocused."

---What I Know, Parachute.

Ha.

"Nothing to do, no where to be,

a simple little kind of free."

--Perfectly Lonely, John Mayer

My mom is out of town for a week and my brother is out with friends on this lovely summer evening. So I'm here, on my front porch, enjoying a cold class of milk and some warm cookies. Tonight, I'll do whatever I would like to do. Perfectly lonely. The anthem of summer.

Why haven't I seen this video until now?

This song has been around for years, and I've enjoyed it, in more ways than one, for all of those years. But for some reason, I've never had the pleasure of watching the music video that sprouted from this gem of a song. I hope you've already seen it, but if not...man. Enjoy.

Sometimes you have to

eat a bag of Gushers for no good reason at all.

Don't worry.

" 'Why don't people's hearts tell them

to follow their dreams?' the boy asked. 'Because that's what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don't like to suffer.' From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop talking to him."

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time,

and your government when it deserves it."

---Mark Twain.

And I don't want to be a faded memory.

I don't want to be the ghost that you can't shake.

I want to be the real thing.

No one said that we were victims, honey.

No one said we had to keep the things we get.

There ain't no regrets.

And all our friends, they moved to hollywood.

But we ain't that desperate yet.

Ain't nothing like the real thing.

HP Unveils Non-Computer

For Those Who Don't Need a Computer

Hahahaha.

"I came into this world,

not chiefly to make this a good place to live in, but to live in it, be it good or bad."

---Henry David Thoreau

Thoughts bouncing around in my head.

"It is better to lose then to never have had."

I think this quote is the reason, as humans, we're willing to submit ourselves to painful situations. It's all about picking your poison. Subconsciously, in the end, we know that it will be more difficult to live with the pain of possibility---knowing that something might have happened if only we had been willing to try. We will always put ourselves in positions that will break our hearts, but what we're really doing is setting ourselves up to be healed again. It is only after we are broken that we are able to experience a kind of happiness far greater and more intense than the kind we experienced before our hearts were broken in the first place. Of course, the worst kind of heart break is perpetuated by someone or something we love. This reason for this is rather obvious. Anything or anyone that we love enough to hurt us, did enough good for us so that we were caused to love them in the first place.

We are sort of between a rock and a hard place. Though regret is the worst type of pain, vulnerability is nearly just as frightening. We're forced to choose. But I think the nature of being human is found within this quote. We're innately hardwired with the desire to progress and grow. But a bone is always stronger after it is has been broken. A muscle is more capable after it has been worn-out. If we're to grow, we've first got to be broken, so that we have the opportunity to be healed.

"I know that I'm setting myself up for pain.

I know it all too well. But I'm going to do it anyway. Because that's what we do, as humans. I've watched us before. I watch us all the time. We're masochists. Sometimes it's in the name of joy, but a lot of the time, it's not. Joy is an irrelevant factor, isn't it. I didn't put a question mark there, because that wasn't a question. . .So here I am. Never learning my lesson. Doing the same thing and causing the same pain as before, and as the last time. And I will be here today, even though it's raining outside. And I will be here tomorrow, waiting in the rain. And I will be here the next day, waiting in the sunshine. I'll be here waiting. And when someone is waiting for me, I'll still be here waiting for you. Because I am human and I've watched us before and this is what we do. Wait. And feel pain."

Just like millions of other Americans,

I felt a sense of accomplishment, pride and success when I learned of Usama bin Laden's death. My own feelings were called into question, however, as I read numerous articles and opinions criticizing the way that Americans have "celebrated" his death. NPR called the celebrations "a sense of false elation," while the Huffington Post deemed the portrayed feelings "neither appropriate nor advisable." An article from The Atlantic picked apart the "narrative" of bin Laden's death. Criticism has hit the web from all directions.

I've thought a lot about the concepts suggested by the "critics," and while I understand where they're coming from, my opinion does differ from theirs. Here's the part where I tell you why.

When I first learned of bin Laden's death, my thoughts were immediately directed to the men and women in uniform who have served our country faithfully and with unwavering dedication. I felt a sense of great pride regarding their power and effectiveness in handling difficult war-time decisions, such as the discovery and elimination of Usama bin Laden. I think it is so easy to forget how much we are indebted to them. It's a common thing, especially in modern times as we are surrounded by it, to criticize war and violence, but the unfortunate reality of our world is that to some extent, it is necessary. I believe it's much easier to criticize war than accept that fact that war is, and will likely forever will be, a part of our lives. Should violent methods be used over peaceful ones to solve international and domestic conflicts? No. Absolutely not. No one who is to any extent humane should endorse unnecessary war and violence by any means. But anyone who is practical must recognize that there are people in our world today (ie: Usama bin Laden) who do promote that kind of behavior.

To me, bin Laden's death is not an exemplar of an American endorsement of violence like many of the "critics" have suggested, but rather a symbol of the fact that America does not and will not tolerate unnecessary violence. Is America a perfect example of this concept? No. Of course it isn't. But Usama bin Laden was an evil man who promoted the slaughter of Western culture and the freedoms it has fought with great sacrifice to secure. His death, nearly ten years after 9/11, has reminded the world that we will not stand for that. Ten years later, we still will not stand for it.

By no means am I suggesting that this is the end, so I do not feel that my sense of joy is a "false elation" as NPR would suggest. I understand entirely that Usama bin Laden was merely one man, one terrorist, in a world of thousands of people with a similar psyche. But I think is naive to deny that his death marks a significant milestone in the war on terror and, like this article suggests, in the lives of the Millennial Generation. His elimination screams, "We're still here, we're still fighting, and we will not forget what you did."

Additionally, I do not feel that my opinion on bin Laden's death contradicts the philosophies of my personal religious beliefs as a Christian. No, I am not promoting death. But I am promoting the ending of a life that was devoted to the annihilation of everything America (and all of Western culture) stands for. I think that my pride for this country and all that it has fought for, that millions have given their lives for, is something worth celebrating.

So, maybe I am celebrating the death of an evil man who mercilessly slaughtered not just innocent people, but the progressive ideals of freedom and independence. But if that's the case, then I'm proud to celebrate it, and even more proud to call myself American.

I would give everything to never think about her again,

I can only hold on to the things I want to lose, I'm thinking of the day we met, I saw her approaching when she was still far away, I was fifteen, she was seventeen, we sat together on the grass while our fathers spoke inside, how could we have been younger?

We talked about nothing in particular, but it felt like we were talking about the most important things. We looked at each other until it felt like everything would burst into flames. She laughed and said, "You don't understand yourself," I said, "Of course I do," she said, "Of course," I said, "I do!" She said, "There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself," she saw through the shell of me into the center of me.

She went home with her father, the center of me followed her, but I was left with the shell of me, I needed to see her again, I couldn't explain my need to myself, and that's why it was such a beautiful need, there's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.

The next day, I walked half an hour to her house, I was too ashamed or embarrassed to make myself known to her, I looked for her all day but didn't see her, I promised myself I would stay until I found her, but as night began to come in, I knew I had to go home, I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?

I couldn't stop thinking about her even though I hardly knew her, I didn't know what good would come over going to see her, but I knew that I needed to be near her, it occurred to me, as I walked back to her the next day with my head down, that she might not be thinking of me. I had to go home, and then the next day, I had to go back to her.

I waited all day, did she go on some sort of trip, was she on an errand, was she hiding from me? The harder I tried not to think about her, the more I thought about her, the more impossible it became to explain, I went back to her house, I walked the road between our two neighborhoods with my head down, she wasn't there again. I went again the next day, with each step I further convinced myself that she had thought badly of me, or worse, that she hadn't thought of me at all.

In between our two villages, on the verge of losing everything, I bumped into something and was knocked to the ground, at first I thought it was a tree, but then that tree became a person, who was also on the ground, and I saw that it was her, and she saw that it was me, "Hello," I said, brushing myself off, "Hello," she said. "Where are you going?" I asked. "Just for a walk," she said, "and you?" "Just for a walk." "That's not true," I said, not knowing what the next words out of my mouth would be, but wanting, more than I'd ever wanted anything, to express the center of me and be understood. "I was walking to see you." I told her, "I've come to your house each of the last six days. For some reason I needed to see you again."

She was silent, I had made a fool of myself, there's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself, and she started laughing, and then I started laughing out of the most deep and complete shame. She laughed and laughed, "That explains it," she said when she was able to speak. "It?" "That explains why, each of the last six days, you weren't at your house." We stopped laughing, I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question: "Do you like me?"

-- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

We can do anything that we want to,

and my friendship with Andy Mockler

has truly taught me that.

"Who says I can't be free,

from all of the things that I used to be?

Re-write my history.

Who says I can't be free?

Who says I can't get stoned,

plan a trip to Japan alone?

It doesn't matter if I even go,

who says I can't get stoned?"

Who cares if our choices amount to something?

Sometimes, just the act of making

the choice is all that really matters,

because making choices are what force us to grow.

Andy is an example to me that the world truly

is at our fingertips; what we do with it is our choice.

He is entering the MTC today,

and I know he's going to change many lives,

for he has surely changed mine.

I usually steal my neighbor's WiFi,

but for some reason,

it is non-existent this evening.

So, I'm confined to an uncomfortable, straight-back

desk chair and wired internet

while I wait for 6 emails full of pictures to send.

I've probably been sitting here for 30 minutes.

Why do I have to sit at my computer

and watch those emails send

rather than spend those 30 minutes doing

something more worth while?

Good question.

Probably because finals are over,

I have these 4 days

to relax and not worry about school,

and because wasting time feels dang good.

But if we're being honest,

even if I was still in school, and even if I

did have a lot to accomplish,

I would still probably sit here and

watch that little blue email

bar slowly fill itself up.

Almost there....

Remedy.

I have complied my tentative summer reading list.

It is as follows:

Re-reads:

I'm convinced that books are the

reason why summer break exists.

This is a really great article,

and though it's a little cliché,

it's pretty freakin' true.

There were definitely a couple that

hit the nail right on the head for me.

50 Things You Need To

Give Up Today

It's definitely finals week,

and finals, as everyone well knows,

do weird things to you.

We all have our coping mechanisms.

One of mine just happens to be

accidentally staying up until 3am,

taking self-timed pictures in

front of my apartment complex

with some pals who happen to

have the same philosophies that I do.

Never mind that I had already

faked going to bed 3 times

the night these pictures were taken.

Another great coping mechanism is telling yourself

that you're going to go to bed no later than 11pm,

because of your 7am final the next morning,

but then accidentally playing

jacks until past midnight.

Jacks. Really?

How do college students come up with these things?

Mostly, how did I end up playing jacks?

On a more important note,

I discovered that I have an

uncanny knack for that game.

Also, what is my problem?

More music, please.

All of my recent posts have been about music.

I think it's just that time of year

when music is the perfect escape from everything.

I'm like obsessed with it right now.

"It" being music. Every kind.

Last night, this morning, and all day today

I have been listening to this song.

Literally all day,

(it's playing for the 100th time as I type this),

and it's easily one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

I just barely looked up the video,

and my first thought was,

"This is the worst music video I've ever seen."

Then I realized that it conveys exactly what the

song is trying to express.

So, it's perfect.

I feel like this song is applicable to not only dating relationships,

but any type of relationship that we encounter in life.

You can use it in any circumstance that you truly love someone.

Have you ever felt like that?

That you can be the best thing for someone,

but they just don't see it?

"The winds of change are blowing wild and free;

you ain't seen nothing like me yet."

Yeah, Bob Dylan has felt like that too, apparently.

And he's felt like this:

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true;

nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the earth for you,

to make you feel my love."

Mostly I'm obsessed with Pat Monahan.

Really, though. He is a genius.

Not only does he have an incredible voice,

but he writes all is own music and plays like 7 instruments.

This particular song really speaks to me right now.

I feel like every song he writes is applicable to my life at some point,

but this one happens to be super relevant.

It is amazing.

"With the sound of a train that I could've been on,

reminding me that the last one's gone.

With you, it's always midnight."

"Are you blind?

Can't you see me standing here waiting in line?

For you. Are you mine?

Not just when you want to be.

All of the time. Are you? Are you blind?

Won't you tell me what it is I'm waiting to find?"

"A way to get back to you;

a way to get out of here.

I don't want to be alone at midnight anymore.

How do I get away? Want to see you in the daylight.

I don't wanna be afraid of midnight anymore."

"With you, it's always midnight."

There's this weird part of me that really

enjoys a good love story.

Mostly I just love this song,

because it's like...a realistic love story.

I really appreciate a song when its music can

convey what its lyrics are saying, even if the lyrics didn't exist.

This song definitely does. It's so...raw.

So, I jut barely watched the music video and

it's even more romantic than the song.

Props to the Script, because music videos these days

are usually pretty lame.

This band is really talented and their songs are so unique.

Apple sort of changed the world.

I added some towels to my crutches,

and they feel much better.

Hopefully the broken blood vessels under

my arms will start to heal.

Also, crutches glamour shot:

Fun. 

Those crutches are set for someone who is 5'11".

Which is funny.
But not as funny as me

opting to limp around the whole weekend,

rather than carry around those torture sticks,

But walking from the couch to

the kitchen multiple times required little walking.

I did get to take a little visit downtown

on Saturday afternoon, which was a treat.

I keep forgetting how many winnas

there are hangin' out on TRAX.
Trains stations are where you can meet
new friends; or your new rapist.

Anyway, there are only two weeks of school left.

Wut?

That's right.

Countemonetwo.

Also, blog titles seriously never fail to mock

my intelligence or creativity levels.

I can never think of any.

Titles are dumb.

It's sunny outside.

A gorgeous Spring day like today

must be coupled with this song:

Thisisrealife.

I'm sitting in my History 220 class right now.

I honestly learned more about

US History in 5th Grade.

We have an assignment due on Thursday

which requires us to

"look at the compromises that lead

to the Civil War," and then "come up with something

better, because those obviously didn't work."

Hard to say exactly how I feel about that.

But not really that hard.

Meanwhile, my crutching adventures are going well.

Today someone asked if I wanted his chair,

rather than sitting on the floor.

Then he asked if he could get me a pizza.

Train always does it.

Hey, theme song.

"It's clear to see that you're down to earth,

with a hold on what you're worth, like no other.

and I'd like to thank your mother for that.

I bet ya there's a line outside your door,

and it's a line I know for sure,

that you don't want from me,

like a hole in my head.

I want to be just you, just me.

no tricks, no show,

but I've got to let you know.

That I'm not waiting in line for you.

I'm not changing my mind for no one.

I'm not wasting my time.

I'm not waiting in line."

All of the lights.

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes

the whole world around you,

because the greatest secrets are

always hidden in the most unlikely places.

Those who don't believe in magic

will never find it."

--Roald Dahl.

What is going on?

This happened tonight:

Obviously it was the best choice I could have made.

Miles Batty is so impressive.

What an amazing race.

LOST is real life.

I love LOST.

An experience with a close friend of mine

has recently caused this particular scene

to replay over and over again in my head.

"Why do you find it so hard to believe?"

"Why do you find it so easy?"

"It's never been easy!"

Could this statement be any more true?

We go throughout life believing

in one thing or another,

and at some point, no matter what that thing is,

our devotion and faith to it will be tested.

Passion and love are things

that make life so wonderful,

but they are also the emotions

that make life so difficult.

If we did not love or care for anyone or anything,

decisions and burdens would bear no weight.

This is the beautiful irony of life.

Life isn't about what is easy,

but it is about love and passion and emotion.

It is about taking something that we love,

and fighting for it---and that has never been easy.

But so what, right?

Since when has anything good in life

come when you sit around

and wait for it to arrive?

Titles are dumb.

Hey, it's me. Taylor.

Just so you don't get confused,

I'm Taylor Berhow. Not Olson. Not Swift.

Easy to get us all mixed up, though.

Yesterday in my US History class,

we were creating a "soundtrack" for

the Revolutionary War.

(Like, I definitely did that in 5th grade.)

But anyway, we came to the battle that I had chosen

a song for: the Battle of Yorktown.

Clearly, I chose "Change" by T-Swift.

I told my friend, Hunter,

that if my song didn't get

chosen, I was going to drop the class.

I'm pretty sure he thought I was kidding.

He'll learn.

Rest assured, the class chose mine.

(Even over "Beat It," "I've Gotta Feeling,"

and "Never Say Never.")

My teacher cracked some smart comment

about how apparently even 12 year olds

can write good music.

As if Taylor Swift is 12.

Not even funny.

But this is coming from the same professor

who 2 weeks ago did not know

who Jimmer Fredette was.

Honestly? Is she kidding?

Does she live in a washing machine?

Turns out she wasn't kidding,

but her not knowing who

Jimmer is doesn't even make sense.

Anyway.

Life is good here in Elwood City, aka, Provo.

Lots of studying, facebook fasts

and whatever else college kids do these days.

But I've really been on a facebook fast.

Oh hi, it's Friday. I've been off facebook

for two whole weeks.

But yeah.

College-student blogs are the best.

Everyone is doing it,

and this has been a gr8 first post.

I'll probably go and not listen to a substitute TA

teach our Poly Sci lab about nothing now.

Bai.